Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if only i could text you this smell
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
