we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
