I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dear god my vagina.
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