Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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