you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize