Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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