My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
