Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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