I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
