Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
