Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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