So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
