So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
