Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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