My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
