I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
