I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize