New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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