i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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