Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
