I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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