Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
pray to the hookup gods
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
