he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
