my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize