I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize