Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
