she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
