I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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