goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
