He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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