My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
