I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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