Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
