And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
