Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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