If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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