I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
