You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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