i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize