I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
