Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
