I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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