you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
