'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize