party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
