thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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