my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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