If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
