And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
