I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
