There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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