Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
