i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
