...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
