We got so high we made milksteak
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize