I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize