dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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