apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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