You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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