Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
