I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
