sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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